Clients often ask me if their divorce is normal. Is there such a thing as a “normal” divorce? Their settlement is as unique as their family. The process that they have chosen to resolve their conflict allows them to create a settlement that prioritizes the highest interests of their family and their family alone. Couples who chose mediation and collaborative divorce are given an opportunity to articulate what is most important to them and to understand sometimes for the first time during their entire marriage what is most important to each other. What their normal is in terms of, for example, parenting or support, is their “normal:, not next to normal, or abnormal to any other family- it is just right for their family which is all that matters. In the adversarial process a judge decides what is best for their family primarily through motion papers and voiced through their attorneys, without either party ever having an opportunity to voice their concerns. Can a settlement reached in this manner ever really be appropriate for that family? The best way of achieving a normal divorce is choosing a process that respects each family’s own individual dynamics and interests. The models of mediation and collaborative divorce allow for each family to voice their own “normal” and to achieve a settlement that speaks to this “normal.” So yes, your divorce is normal for your family because you controlled the outcome most appropriate for your family. By choosing to end your marriage in the collaborative or mediation models you are able to create a new beginning and a new “normal” for your family to thrive post divorce .
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