Often in my practice I have an initial consultation with a client about divorce and then I do not hear from them for a few weeks, months or even years. Surprisingly this is not unusual! One of the first questions I like to ask in a consultation is whether the couple has sought the support of a marriage therapist or an individual therapist to explore the issues that have adversely affected their marriage. For some this is something they have explored but for others it is a surprising suggestion from a divorce lawyer.
Some people, after hearing for the first time the reality of how divorce might financially impact a family, decide to reengage in therapy or explore it for the first time for themselves or their marriage. Working through in marital therapy or individual therapy those issues that have derailed their marriage can help couples decide whether dissolving their marriage is the right answer for them both as a couple and as a family.
Sometimes it is not always therapy but time that allows them to see more clearly whether remaining in their marriage is the right option. Often the decision to end a marriage is made by one spouse way before the other spouse is ready to make that decision or is even aware of it.
When a couple returns they return with a palatable sense of peace and acceptance. There is a readiness to begin the divorce process with a higher sense of their own needs and an awareness and acceptance of the needs of their spouse and entire family. It is better to begin divorce proceedings when there is a readiness by both spouses. It allows for a quicker and smoother process. Keep in mind – timing is everything!